Benducky. :D

2010-06-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

2010-06-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've received so much today. God thank you for revealing your heart to me during the raw run.
God I've realised how much of a selfish person I am, and Lord I've learnt that I have to view at the bigger picture in mind. God I wouldn't be where I am without your grace. Been such a bitch and a wretch but God your faithfulness prevails.

You know God, sometimes i feel like giving up but you give me strength. Lord thank you for even giving me the strength to focus on you, and not on anything else.

I know I am not a perfect person and I screw up more than half the time but Lord you've never left me. Where would I be without you?

In you I'm forever changed. Maybe it's me or maybe I am just too conscious of how others see me, but I really feel like I am a really bad person. But I believe Lord even as you continue to mould me, even as I surrender all that I have, and all that I am, Lord that you will do a work in me and make me someone you want me to be, someone everyone will see Your glory and see less of me, because of the fallen nature I am.

So help me Lord, be a better person for you. Thank you for giving me the perserverance today to cover mileages I thought I could never do. Amen :)

2009-11-02T03:59:00.000-08:00

Chemistry today was amazingly easy. But i shall be content with what i have and not ask for too much heehees.

Anyways i simply decided to post a random post about my time in SLC as i come to think about things that happened and stuff like that. I believe for all the old birds, there will come a time in life whereby you will suddenly remember that, " hey i was in council before and i did a lot of crazy stuff " and seeing my juniors take over..hmm the good ol' days, good ol' days indeed.

And then you will think about some injustice you've suffered and all the nonsense you do (which sometimes in vain indeed) and you begin thinking " why did i even allow myself to go through all this". But trust me; one day when you begin to sit down and think, actually it is all worth it.

It's like taking care of a family. generations come and go, people join the family and leave, becoming different people. No doubt some will go haywire and do stupid things, but no one can deny that we indeed learnt many things beyond what the classroom has to offer. The seniors guide you, you guide the juniors, the cycle goes on and on.

I am not saying all this just because i used to head the council, but perhaps just as an "old man talking about his old days". If such camaradarie can exist throughout this 19 years of council, i believe that the juniors can make the council stronger and even bonded in the 20th year.

Just a old bird talking about his old-birdie days. Just as that.

2009-10-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

been missing out on blogger life, been spamming on tumblr. Oh well, one week of 'O's is over and finally english and math is gone from my life. I totally screwed amath though and it's quite lame a reason. oh well can't be bothered and don't care. Hopefully soon it will be over and the lights will shine brightly once again.

SaraLee cakes are not that nice, trust me :)

2009-10-11T07:53:00.001-07:00

I never say die.

2009-09-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

Laiman: Eh ben, remember our deal ar, you must get lower than me in L1R5
Ben: Ok if i win you, you go to a bra shop, buy a bra, and do banana dance in it.
Laiman: OK SET. Let me think about your forfeit.go kiss wenzhen
Ben: Go and die
Laiman: Ok i need some time to think of yours, must be very evil >)

Lord i pray for Laiman's sanity to be back.

back to studying.

2009-09-14T05:51:00.000-07:00

Bio- E8
Chem- F9
Physics- F9
Amath- F9

My honest opinions: wtf.

2009-09-13T01:53:00.000-07:00

I might be switching to lj soon.

there is more to this. none that i know.

2009-09-06T06:52:00.000-07:00

Your motives unstable you're like an unwinding cable car Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are Go your own way, even seasons have changed just burn those new leaves over So self-absorbed you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about This is the correlation of salvation and love Don't drop your arms Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart With quiet words I'll lead you in La lalalala, la la la, la lala, laLa lalalala, la la la, la lala, la Backing away from the problem of pain you never had a home You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long Don't you believe that you've been deceived? that you're no better than... The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you're really thinking of This is the correlation of salvation and love Don't drop your armsDon't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart With quiet words I'll lead you in This is the correlation of salvation and love(Don't drop your arms) Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart With quiet words I'll lead you in You're so brilliant, don't soon forget You're so brilliant, grace marks your heart You're so brilliant, don't soon forget You're so brilliant, grace marks your heart You're so brilliant (This is the correlation) Don't soon forget (Between salvation and love, don't drop your arms) You're so brilliant (I'll guard your heart) Grace marked your heart (With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark)

Dennis told me that too much of Anberlin gets kind of depressing because of the things they sing about, but well, i can identify a lot with their music and more importantly, how i feel towards this world. Today even in jam everyone was singing this song and i decided to really reflect on this song and true enough, this song carries a lot of truth.

Maybe it is just me that always carries a morbid spirit but i guess i've been hiding things all along, deceiving myself and all. That is why more recently (ok not that recent) I've been listening to more heavy genres. The things that these bands want to express are relevant and are able to identify with many youths. Like Ezra said, people who listen to metal are more often than not, frustrated souls and i agree. Christian metal is fortunately a window for many of us to vent our emotions. Well no worries, anberlin is Post-hardcore hahas.

And if you read their lyrics, it is probably how i am feeling and thinking. (which makes me think of studying)

Today's jam was great, the sec 4s all came to honour God and serve and jam even in this period. Thank God and we did really well :) But we got chased off because sec 4s are supposed to study. Nevertheless thank God for jams :)

Anberlin FTW. i am gonna buy their album with Dennis at HMV (i hope)

Once again i shouldn't be posting, but well i guess i have felt.

2009-08-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be posting but well, sometimes this is what we call "impulse".

Because i was reading through the notes people wrote to me and i felt a lot going through me. And somehow, i neglected someone important in my life and i simply grew distant with this person.

Talk about regret, yes i do. I intend to talk to her after 'O's and all, but i wonder if she would even be willing to do so, after me being such a jerk.

After all who have i got to blame?

I must be crazy to be posting this ( well i am expecting that she wouldn't read ) but i felt that our friendship was real at that time. We loved each other as very good friends and all. But for some unknown reason we just drifted.

Somehow, this important person in my life got further and further.

And it's not her fault.

Maybe its' because of all the O lvls prep. that got me crazy.

Well, deep inside i know that we will have to part ways sooner, since we are going 2 different ways after sec 4.

I can only tell myself that it's too late for regrets.

If there is anything i would have regretted the most in my life, it would be this (unless by a miracle this is salvaged).

Maybe the reason we drifted is because i felt that she doesn't like me in the sense that she keeps pulling me down in front of others and keep suaning me.

Even though i did that to her most of the time too.

Well.

Same for PSLE ( now thats' a hell long ago ).

I'm sure my dad had even more regrets than me. I wonder where he gets so much strength to handle it these 47 years. He is strong.

Regrets. Who doesn't have them? But it is probably a necessary evil so that we will be forced to mature and grow.

Like how i've regretted not treating my parents well when the kid i saw in vietnam never saw her parents before.

I know i will face more regrets when i progress and move on.

And regrets are part of life.

I am sure God allows regrets for a reason.

I will not regret not studying for O lvls.

I hope.

2009-08-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

The way i see it, i am probably escaping from my true emotions again, if you know what i mean.
The way i thought i've already let go when i haven't, and perhaps what they call " rejectophobia".

You know that i didn't mean to.

2009-08-14T05:20:00.000-07:00

Alright, another year passed and i can finally watch NC16 shows (lol). Well, just posting to relieve stress from the 3 hr Amath paper that i know that i am going to get a F9 for so yeap. Life is good.

Talk about F9, my current results are like F9 for all the important subjects. That is why you don't see me on msn or fb that often and in fact, even this old blog. Yeah i know life is kinda sad but well, after my 'O's i will go crazy like never before "twist in air and fly in sea* kinda thing and guess what, i am getting my MTL results next week. haha no comments.

Hopefully i will just snap out of it and just study because either that i am heading straight to ITE.

TURTLE GANG FTW!

my name is Christopher Sern Wee Chen and i love Ben voon :D

2009-08-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

Bester. Even better than leemeimei's post. woohoo!~

my council post is in the Deyi Council blog. There won't be anything here( i can't seem to copy the whole chunk here so yeah)

2009-08-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

To friend:

Life is always filled with regrets
But just learn how to forgive and forget.
Whatever has gone it's gone so long
Just put down the past and we'll go on.

It's ok to cry, it's ok to sigh,
but after that you must fly high
for this is more than life could bring,
and this is all that grief should give.

Not by words by actions by gifts,
but your spirit will show all it can give
Just pick up yourself and simply stay strong
your uncle's spirit will stay for long.

Life really is short man. Yesterday marks the end of my 4 years in band. I finally graduated. I am an ex-member. woohoo~

I remember those glorious band days where we sweated and bled and cried in band. It was really a ride of a lifetime for me man. The first time i entered the band room and Mrs Chee shocked my life. The first time i saw Danial and the other DMB seniors, the first time Ee earn became the SL, the first time i broke my hand 3 times in band, the first time i carried the 32" timpani from the hall to the band room myself, etc.. So many first times, so many experiences.

This is the place where i met one of my best friends Christopher Sern, and other crazy people like zixuan ee earn and angeline, all of them, i love percussion man. We are like the most united section forever. Though we always make Ee earn go crazy, but we seriously been through so much together, all the band camps, drills, music, everything. We even followed Christ together. Hallelujah, The band times.

The times when Ee earn will shout "happy boobs day!" at 10pm in the band room, where Mrs Chee will scold our band and our music, and then scold ee earn because of the instruments and blah, when Mrs Chee called me Damien(lols) and where we always get pumped by yongzhi(joke la pls). Where we always make fun of Brandon, where we always disturb all the rest. Where we prayed together, played together,eat together(we finally have our own cheer), slept together, rested together, we did everything together. 4 years.

I remember the first time i held the drum sticks. Vic Firth Custom. I never felt so happy. I finally learnt how to play an instrument. I was euphoric. Even though i get all my doubles and triplets and sixteenths wrong, i was still happy. I know how to play something, and i am never ever going to forget it.

And i only got to where i am in worshipmin because i first learnt how to play the drums in band.

I really thank God for putting me in the band, to go through all these hardships, so that i will be refined in the future. All the things i've learnt in band, now i apply it everywhere. The School Values, the Biblical Values, blah..

Those SYF moments, bronze to silver, how so many of us pioneers cried when we got the silver and it's almost a gold.

We are the pioneers, the first batch of Deyi Symphonic Band.

We been through the ups and downs of band, we never quited, we never gave up.

We are where we are today. Even though other people say that our cca sucks, but we don't care, we love our band.

And well, the story doesn't end here, because i am still going back next year to help whenever i can so that ee earn won't suffocate and die when all the sec 1s come. But hey Percussion, i really love you guys. We really rock. the best. And the juniors: Don't give up now, because you will only enjoy it even more later. It's only the beginning.

And right now, my journey as a DSB band member stops here.

bye band. i love my band.

2009-07-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

Best.

Maybe God made us all sick so that we will really go and pray. haha

look out for leemeimei and chrissern(my darling), it made me laugh XD

2009-07-27T20:26:00.001-07:00

So, everyone is sick and all, and here i am at home typing this post. I was sent home yesterday because of my sore throat and so called the "flu symptoms", yup so i went to see a doctor after that and to my relief, i don't have H1N1. But well, ihave a virus infection in my respiratory tract though. kinda sucky man. The cough and sore throat is killing me, and my temperature is going up. Whatever.

But even in these times where many people are down with fever and flu and all the rubbish, God's promises remain true and it is up to us to claim it. It takes a pinch of faith and belief to do so.

Yes Prelims are coming, but just have faith and walk on, and believe that God made all things good in his perfect timing. And of course, do your own work lah.

And let's pray.

Amen.

disheartened.

2009-07-23T08:40:00.001-07:00

Fine oh Fine, i shall use my 300th post (whatever man!) Life is short and i can't keep waiting man hahas.

Anyways i just have a lot to say about a lot of things. Firstly, H1N1 totally should go home man. I totally feel sick this morning when i entered my classroom and see a room of girls(with nixon) and i was thinking all day, "Welcome to Deyi Girls' School". And everything was like mundane and yada yada...and there is still test tomorow...horrible man....we'll probably get our whole class quarantined next week if the 2nd case is confirmed, so let's see how it goes

Went to talk to some council juniors afterwards, and wow..we are talking about 15 days. The last 15 days in council.I just really really hope that the sec 3s will do us proud and blahs..but shall leave that on 7th August yeap.

And was reading the Wee Shu Min article yesterday, talk about elitism man, what has it done to our country? No doubt with the grooming of elites we will have no lack of brains to lead our nation, but what is the point of groomin them if they cannot even understand the ordinary heartlander's troubles? They would be nothing but arrogant and uncaring individuals that will only concern themselves with the affairs of an elite. WHATEVER MAN, does that mean we normal neighbourhood school people are any inferior? In fact, don't bother mentioning what school are you from, that would be a disgrace. It is not wrong to be in a good school, but if you think that being in the particular school makes you more superior than others, you had better have your conscience checked.What have you learnt in Values Education man. You simply give bad light to whatever school you are from. Yes i know this issue has been raised some years ago, but i raised it up because some people in this world still thinks that being in a good school equates to superiority. Wake up, you can't bring your school uniform to your grave.

That talks about what we bring to heaven. The Bible says we will all return to the ground. So why bother searching for the things of this Earth when it doesn't last forever? Not that your credentials matter even a bit in heaven. You think what? Go to heaven can DSA meh? LOL. You can chase after these things but if you think about it, how long do they last really? It will just fill your ego for a while, but face it, what people look for in a friend is not how many A1s you get in your O lvls, it is your personality. It is not worth shortchanging God for something that doesn't last.God never changes.He is the constant k we have been looking for all along. There are some people who just cannot comprehend this simple and yet to swallow truth.

Yes i am being blatant. That proves a point that everyone at some point of time, needs a serious wake up call.

In the midst of chasing things, we get lost finding who we are. We place our identities in these meaningless things to gain approval with other people.Go and reflect, does it really last? When you die and people attend your wake, are your family and friends going to say in their speech that "David always scores A1s in his exams and so on....". I beg to differ. They will rather be listening to what kind of a person David was in his lifetime, because that will be the legacy he will leave with people. Not "my perfect score".

Whatever it is, even when i choose a girlfriend in the future, i will definitely not be comparing girls and seeing who is the best right? If God say this girl that means this girl la! you can't run away one what. When you love someone you won't see whether he/she scores like perfect scores in exams or earn big money in his/her job what. You will probably be seeing the kind of person he/she will be right? in fact, if i love someone, i won't even zero into his/her flaws and i will love him/her anyways and there is no reason for that yes no? Not everything in life is pragmatic, especially when we are talking about something that lasts forever, you life partner.

Same goes for bestfriends/brothers/whatever la.

Anyways i said my piece. SS test tmr. Enough of differences. Stop this division. we are all children of God.

Post 299. I am finding myself.

2009-07-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name is Benjamin Voon. Benjamin Voon Peng Sheng in full. I was born in Singapore, Kendang Kerbau Hospital on 13th August 1993. I then spent 2 years in Arizona, U.S and came back to resume my Singapore life. I spent my kindergarten days in Eunos PAP, which is like not that close to my present home, which is Hougang st. 91 #04-26. That is because when i was young, i grew up with ALL my cousins and we do crazy things together.

I then continued my normal life in Hougang when i started Primary 1 in Yio Chu Kang Primary School. I spent my 6 years there aimlessly, and it turned me into a little rebel. I left with a PSLE score of 224, and i got nothing to say about that either.

I went to Deyi Secondary School to pursue my NSK life and i am about to graduate this year. Deyi changed my life though.

I am a Christian. Was one, then backslided, then woke up and realised that i am even lost without God. thank God for changing my life.

I am a band member. Didn't like attending band most of the time, but love band anyways.

I love worship min.

My mum is Karen Ong Been Khuan. My father is Voon Kim Sin, but his teacher called him Keith because he didn't had an English name.

I love my maternal grandmother. Her name is Mary Ong. She was from Nanyang Girls'. She is very very understanding.

My mum, again, is Madeleine Sim Yue Ling. She is Mad.

My current leader is bro. sam. He taught me how to grow up. faster.

Joseph is my SB. But he'll grow to become an SP soon and i'll have to release him by then :(

My sister is Benecia Voon Jing Yi. Incredibly retarded.

I am turning 16 soon. Class of 2009.

I am in council. but soon the word "am" will be replaced by "was" :(

I am not anyone big. I have my problems too. I find my daily grace in God.

I am a guy. I like girls too.

I feel that maturity is the absence of innocence, but i want to learn how to retain the childhood innocence while being mature.

I cry too. But i find myself crying only in the altar. or perhaps in hospitals too...

I am insensitive. yet sensitive..

I am a soursop fairy :)

I think fernando rocks :D

And laiman i'll never forget you XD we are the HOLEY GANG ma(with chris sern dennis and everyone else)

I am a Trinitarian. my second home is Trinity@PL.

My weakness is that i sometimes have very low self-esteem. But actually it became better la.

Maybe another one would be that i never really did think before i speak. Working on it anyway..

But i know that i have a high threshold. I can tolerate very well( i guess).

That is why i rarely get mad.

I like to make friends. I have a lot of close friends and we do crazy things. more like brothers la.

I was a naughty boy in the past. shall not elaborate. Now i am a good boy. shall not elaborate too :)

oh by the way, hi, my name is Benjamin Voon.

Please tell anyone if you've seen me anywhere. i am lost.

2009-07-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

Aiya, Claire also never post alr, so i assume 2 options. 1)she forgot the password. 2)she lazy to post. So til the day i find another person to help me post i shall just post the 298th post.

Anyways its already July.

and i am proud(not) to say that many things happened(again). Or maybe i should just say that 2009 is simply an eventful year, and i wonder if that can even be a good thing or not. Personally, i am just thoroughly stretched, and at times becoming so stressed and tired and all the nonsense. But figuring it out, it will all end on the fateful day.

The last month, the last opportunities to even be stressed by council and school things. before i fully concentrate on my O lvls.

And as much as i hate to admit, i've changed. change is inevitable. things change, people change, everything changes. i hate change, but i have to realise that change is the only constant.

It's complicated. just complicated. I keep forcing myself not to think. quit thinking about issues. quit thinking about people. quit it all. but i can't.

i am, like what taylor swift likes to say, bulletproof.

even my perception on certain things took a turn.

I am probably going nuts.

and i just think that sometimes i am an escapist, and i often find myself running.from everything. to evade from consequences, from problems, just hide. And ultimately, God just will have to pull me out.

Life in reality, isn't that complicated, as much as all the emotional turmoil we go through. Now i even think twice when i talk to girls.

if you see me running, please stop me.

and hopefully i can loan this blog to someone who will post here often.

hey unfaithful, i will teach you
to be stronger, to be stronger.
hey ungraceful, i will teach you
how to forgive one another.
Some will seek forgiveness, others escape- Underoath.

Ben

its all emotions, really.
i really wish that God, you will get someone down here to be with me
to bring me through.
it is out of rationality and logic
i am sick and tired of everything.
do you even see the blood in my veins
no you don't
because it is so deep that it couldn't even bleed.

2009-06-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

OLIVER IS BACK :):):):):):):):):):):)
I AM HAPPY (AGAIN!) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
hi Ben I know you love Oliver too! ^^
kbaiworld!! ^^

look at his stupid face HAHAHAHAHA! ^^

2009-06-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

p/s i don't like your font!!!! (th one on your blog HAHAHA)
GO CHANGE GO CHANGE!
it looks so proper. like i'm typing proposal like that hahaha zzzzz.
:D

FLY!!!

2009-06-08T20:43:00.001-07:00

I WANT A BLACKBIRD):
BEN VOON I WANT A BLACKBIRD.
BLACKBIRD, FLYYYYYYYYYYY -PEW PEW PEW-
I WANT A BLACKBIRD HOW HOW HOW.
th effects DAMMMMM PRETTYYYYY OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
but it's like, 180$!):
HOW HOW HOW.
I NEED T SAVE UP FOR MY GERMANY TRIP STILL:(
DAMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
http://www.flickr.com/groups/842894@N24/pool/page9/
go see go see th effects HAHAHAHAH.
_ and _ are driving me crazy zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I MISS JAN STIFTER(U)

kbaiworld,
Claire

2009-06-07T08:15:00.001-07:00

ya claire just invaded me blog officially coz she wants subway cookies lol. but just to let you guys know that soon i won't really be posting coz of O lvls and maybe i will like come once in a blue moon or smt. you will prolly see more of her posts than mine(i'll laugh)

sighs. so many issues. so many events. so many misunderstandings. so many mishaps. so many problems. so many obstacles. so many things that i got to learn. so many things i got to let go. all in all, i have so many.

Guys, you all know that i don't hold hidden agendas. i am a very straighforward person and i will tell you if anything is wrong or amiss. With no particular reference to anyone(because i am being generic), please understand that i am human and i have flaws. Doesn't mean that i do a particular thing means i want to avoid you or i hate you. I am just too tired and i need a break. Ask any of my close friends like Chris Sern and you will know how screwed up my life is. I don't really talk about them because i don't want people to pity me and all that nonsense. Doesn't mean that i stop doing something means i stop caring. Doesn't mean that i appear easy, means i am a pushover. Doesn't mean that i appear strong, means that i don't have a soft side, a weakness.

But man gets tired. man needs a break. to recover. from people, from incidents. This is a fundamental principle that you and i know. I want to give this especially to the juniors. Please understand that your seniors work hard for you. Give them credit for the things they do, because they care for you.

Yes i am not denying it. I am tired. But i am not weak. Yes i fell sick quite often nowadays because i am over exhausted. That doesn't mean i like to "pon" school. It is my loss because its the O lvls. I worry abt it too friends, be real. My R5 is 33 and i am heading straight to ITE or maybe evening retaining for another year because of this.

If your life is easy i congratulate you. If not, please know that i am human.

Goodbye. We'll meet after the last O lvl paper.

DAJIAHAO!! ^^

2009-06-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

hi everyone!!!:D
Today, is a wunderfully bright and sunny day whee! ^^
Ben is too tired/ busy to blog so he's paying me subway cookies to blog haha!
i love german countryfolks!(L)(L)(L)

kbaiworld xx,
Claire

2009-05-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

a picture speaks a thousand words

"this piece of paper means nothing to me".

Dad.

the reason why i decided to go on hiatus mode online.

2009-05-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

sister: korkor 你有没有看到我的camp booklet?
me: 每有，why leh?
sister: 那里会没有？明明放在你的房间的吗！你有没有带去学校还是乱丢？！
me: 我拿你的camp booklet 做么？神精病
sister: AIYA! 不要玩了啦你放那里？？？
me: 是你自己放的可以吗？你可不可以不要一直吵？我在读书！
sister: 你读什么读？帮我找啦！！
..........
..........
..........

glad to have a sister hor?

Official Handwriting Analysis - Personality Report

2009-05-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

This personality profile is based on the writing of Benjamin Voon created at the website: Handwriting Wizard.com - Handwriting University's Official automated personality report creator based on standardized basic personality traits as taught through Handwriting University's Certification Level Program.

Benjamin uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Benjamin does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.

Benjamin will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.

Benjamin is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Benjamin doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Benjamin will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Benjamin believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Benjamin will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Benjamin's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Benjamin slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Benjamin can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Benjamin's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Benjamin that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Benjamin also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Benjamin is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Benjamin's self-concept is artificially low. Benjamin will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Benjamin to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Benjamin is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Benjamin is very self-sufficient. He is trying not to need anyone. He is capable of making it on his own. He probably wants and enjoys people, but he doesn't "need" them. He can be a loner.
Benjamin exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although he may not intend to deceive or mislead, he blows things way out of proportion because that is the way he views them. He will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of his material world. Benjamin allows many people into his life because he is accepting and trusting. He is sometimes called gullible by his friends. That only really means that he trusts too many people. Benjamin has a vivid imagination.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Benjamin has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Benjamin fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Benjamin has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Benjamin seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Benjamin seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

we just have to fall once, and hard, to get up and run. if it's that easy to move on.

2009-05-21T06:22:00.000-07:00

English- D7
E math- B4
A math- F9
Physics- C6
Chem- D7
Bio- F9
Humans-C5
Chinese- B3

L1R5: 32

Someone, please, slap me on the face, take a knife and stab me, because i am not supposed to get this.

2009-05-20T04:09:00.000-07:00

Ben....wake up......come back to reality..don't die for an unworthy cause.

2009-05-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

probably in life, some people have it easy while others rough it out...

Some people do not have to put in much effort to excel in studies(like my frigging sister lol),
while others struggle to pass

Some people are born with a silver spoon
while others are taken out from the rubbish bin

Some are naturally beautiful,
while others are born ugly

Some make it big in life,
others just drift by the motion of life

Some become the hope of the nation,
others become society's scum

Some will have fillial children taking care of them
Others will have uncaring jerks.

Some will leave the world in peace
others die holding their grudge.

Some are forever remembered,
while others are...just lost forever.

Ultimately, all of us will meet our maker, and ashes return to ashes, dust to dust.

Yes, i remember those times,
those times that everyone else don't even know,
you'll never know how much it costs,
until its too late,
because time cannot rewind.

thank you C.Y for listening :)

i am so sorry sarah, but there are many people out there to disturb you too XD ^^

2009-05-18T05:17:00.000-07:00

10 reasons why i should DSA

1. I have 0% confidence of getting my desired L1R5

2. I want to continue in band and become a band conductor coz i want to conduct a band one day :)

3. I want to secure a place in a JC everyone heard of.

4. Let's just say i am insecure

5. I am desperate to get into a good JC

6. i don' know...

7. Maybe thats enough..

8. Stop it..

9. I am going crazy

10. I AM GOING TO JC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahahaha. Not bad for someone who is scoring badly in school now zomg. I don't care man, i will mug like some chao mugger and become a top scorer, and MOE will have to open their frigging eyes and surpass their expectations of me. hahaha

Claire yeo cheer up k :D

2009-05-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

credits to maxine :D, haha

I have come to realisation that i am only left with a few months in Deyi. How time flies.

guess i will blog about my Deyi days on graduation day itself.

Meanwhile...... o lvl chinese. Darn hate the HCL ppl T___T

and by the way, i think that sarah lee is a magazine editor wannabe bimbo XXDDDDDDDD

2009-05-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

Exams are over. but i know that my midyears are very much screwed because i stayed up all night to study, which leads to a chain reaction for the rest of my papers. esp math(gone case). I really don't know man, my O lvl chinese is in 17 days. Will i make the A?

I miss the sound of the drum.and the cymbals.

Life is fragile.

and it really is.

We see the many faces on the obituaries every single day, wondering, when will it be our turn.

and the brutality of life is often, that many of us do not live to fufill our dreams.

What dreams?

Cash? Luxuries? a family? Happiness?

Many of us also overlooked the happiness in front on us, fixing our eyes on the pain we go through.

What then, is the point of living?

as what others say,"Life is short, enjoy the most out of it".

A simple,yet true quote, that has been abandoned by people.

To take a painful route in search of an impossible dream.

Because at the end of the day, they will feel empty again.

They spend their lives slogging for a dream that they feel will really bring them happiness.

But at the end of the day, will they really feel blissed?

Life is meant for something more than itself.

2009-05-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

tired.

2009-05-08T02:52:00.000-07:00

Carry on fighting, don't stop til the very last.

WE will OWN the "O"s.

And we will see Dhiew jump down before our very eyes after getting the 100% dist rate. muahaha.

2009-05-01T03:38:00.000-07:00

with courtesy from alvin laiman's labtop :)

oh well, just blogging because i am currently having a brainblock with math at laiman's place. And since i have nothing better to do, why not blog?

Man, i really got lots to thank God for. despite the exam season and all, i managed to find peace in God and spend quality time with Him, and it is really refreshing for me :)

Met up with Teng Wei yesterday to mug at the block 910 void deck to mug, and Kris joined later. we were like talking about random things and school and all. Teng Wei left and i chionged 3 chapters of electricity teaching her, all the way to 1.++am.

We can do no great things, only small things with great love- Mother Theresa

my sister told me that.

Living on a lifesource.

2009-04-26T09:34:00.001-07:00

bring me to another level.

2009-04-22T00:55:00.000-07:00

this explains my medical leave today. i ftound it quite amusing when i went to see the cheena doctor that my mum brought me to. then she used some plastic/glass cups and squeeze them on my back and switch on some sauna-like heater and this is what you get. She also said many other things that i couldn't bother to type here.

oh well, i feel quite happy that our school reached another level in our niche though.

Drama- GOLD WITH HONOURS

Military Band- GOLD WITH HONOURS

M&D- exempted from SYF coz they keep bagging GWH :P

ICC- GOLD

Symphonic Band- Silver (darn almost Gold luh)

MCC- Silver

Choir- Silver

and i wonder how the soccer and basketball dudes and dudettes became so hiong this year that they keep winning this and that. i guess Deyi has reached a certain level in CCA. all i hope for is for class of 09 to produce stellar results, and that includes me :)

CONGRATS DRAMA :D

2009-04-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Recently my life has been flooded with many things and it can get very tiring. But i am going to press in for God yeah? I believe God wants to make me stronger through this spate of events and to fix my eyes on Him and what is more important, what will last eternally. Let us not focus on what is temporal, but on what is eternal.

anyways it is kind of a shock for me to hear such a piece of news. Well sis. JC, all the best in YA. we will miss you. Thanks for really being such a nice person and helping me at certain parts of my life. Thank you for everything :)

another worrying thing; MYEs. Gosh i am so not prepared, I really need to prepare. But then again my whole body is aching like mad these few days and its horrible.insonmia is setting in to be a daily battle too. How to study like that ? :( Nice one indeed. Pls Lord let me recover soon.

Studying with Ben Goh later. Claire may be popping by. haha.

i will pull through in God.

2009-04-16T06:48:00.000-07:00

If there is anything that overcomes stagnancy, that would be passion- Bro. Kahfei ( SURGE CAMP 2008)

Passion-noun
1.any powerful emotion or feeling
2.a strong or extravagant fondness for something.

Here i am , covered by your majesty, covered by your grace so free
Here i am, knowing i am a sinful man, covered by the blood of the lamb
Now i am found, the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life, the greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty, your grace has found me just as i am
Empty handed but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty, forever i am changed by your love
In the presence of your majesty

Here i am , humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that i can forgive
Here i am , knowing i am your desire
Sanctified by glory in fire

2009-04-15T00:56:00.000-07:00

its nothing but whys now.

Why do i try so hard to be positive yet i can't.

Why am i always offending everyone because of some stupid thing.

Why do i always feel so tired.

Why do i always get into trouble.

Why do i start to build a wall around me.

Why has the old me disappeared.

Why? no one can answer me,
to give me the answer i am looking for.

Why am i in this state now?

Why the people i am close to are against me now.

Why does school seem like a prison now.

Why did i spend half an hour in the toilet crying.

no one can give me the answer.

Why do i have to live up to what people want me to be?

Why can't i be accepted for my flaws?

Why couldnt people see th effort i put in?

Why am i being singled out for the wrongs i did?

Why couldn't you understand?

why couldn't you all understand?

that i am only another sinner, saved by grace.

why am i the one?

why is my life so screwed up?

all of you just want to make me feel bad don't you?

cheers, you got what you wanted.

Nothing i said matters to you anyway.

when i tried to make up for something,

you all just throw it away.

whats te point of trying again?

*and now i start to wall myself in school and home*

2009-04-14T05:14:00.000-07:00

I got them from Chris Chen's blog, and i found it really useful and relevant to many of us.

All that i carry, all my burdens, i surrender to you Jesus.

very recently i had an argument with a good friend over some trivial thing(really idiotically trivial) and it didn't end up too well even though i tried to apologise and all. But it sort of sparked a train of thoughts within me about how we take things too seriously sometimes.

From a young age we were taught to be serious in everything we do; homework, tests, exams, etc. Why? because we live in a society that is too afraid to fail, where everyone has the "better be safe than sorry" attitude. Even in JCs, everyone opt for the "PCME" combi because its the most "play safe" option. Therefore in Singapore, no one dares to fail, no one dares to take risks.

So much is the fear that we hold within us that we often worry about failing.

I for myself, is a good example. Like any other Singaporean, I fear failing, and its a known fact that humans fail, and i am no perfect being( in other words,I fail too), and i often feel guilty for failing because i thought that i would be letting this person or that person down.

And then i think again, what if my life is a complete success? I succeed in everything i do, and what's the point of living? Failure doesn't feel good, i testify to that, but without failure there wouldn't be success right? For different people success comes at different times and mine probably haven't come yet, but i choose not to give up hope(underlined the word HOPE), because nobody is hopeless.

The only thing i can do for myself now is just not to give up and to be calm, because Jesus saves the day. Only this, i can then undergo the change that Christ intend for me. I live for God, not you :) God's expectations, not yours

Anyways Claire Eunice and I went to find Chris Chen yesterday. Hope he is fine and all la, but i was quite amused by the relatives' comments, and i am not a "si wen bai lei", haha. "Nanyang nu hai zi hen cong ming de leh", and i looked at Claire. hmmm oh well. probably lee meimei would be worse :X

no one saw anything.

2009-04-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

I want to study badly, yet my energy always get drained. Darn.

GRRR. Life's problems with a twist of fate.

did i not tried my best?

after all, Life goes on.

Life goes on.

and on, and on.

2009-04-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

Post no. 270.

Its been funny, really. i mean this week so many things happened, good and bad. But i feel that no matter how bad things are, we just have to surrender them to God. After all, nothing is too big for the Lord to handle. Nothing but insignificance to His glory. no point worrying over it anyway. Yes i admit i made a good number of mistakes, but these mistakes will not be for nothing if i learn from them right? The daily grace i received from Jesus is more than enough, or else we wouldn't be celebrating good friday right? hahaha.

In fact, there are 3 things to rejoice for today:

1. I got my Vic Firth Hickory American classic 5B for $12! woohoo its a real deal man. Cobus's sticks, he really is good at what he does.

2. I understand what i am doing already, as in my academics. woohoo i wil be ready for 'O's in no time.

3. I started talking to a very good friend again after a period of time because i thought that she was busy. haha.

ALL the best for Edward Bechares(how you spell that) and Deyi Choir anyway, GWH!

Benvoon.

2009-04-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

Phillipians 3:13-14

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

2009-04-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

We walk in a sea of uncaring faces
where everyday is just another political battle.
We are all just waiting for the moment
for thy kingdom come.
And...
it just sinks deeper.
physically sicknesses are in full force to get me.
psychological warfare is...don't even mention.
Just feel that this week is .....totally screwed.

then tell me why. will you?

2009-04-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

today's invest:

I was totally palpitating the whole day, wondering if i can make it or not. After all, it IS a big day and a solemn one indeed that even i was terrified of it. But in the end we made it. I am extremely proud of everyone especially the juniors, who like met up EVERYDAY to rehearse for their big day too. And well, seniors, we can all TECHNICALLY step down to study. hmm

This feeling that you and i know but find it too painful to reveal.

2009-04-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

We are never able to live up to man's expectations because attempting that is a total gone-case scenario. So as for me, just look to God.

Sometimes i wonder, what am i doing all this for? Carrying all this burden that seems to be dragging me and there will be moments where i just collapse.

It seems to be about me trying to fufil everyone's demands and i being drained ttm. No, i am not specifically mentioning anyone but in fact EVERYONE. well sorry guys, i am not perfect. I may have a high threshold, but man has limits.

why do i keep running, keep trying to balance, and yet be scrutinised? am I not good enough?

Inadequacy is taking control.

But all i ask is for hope to rise, when darkness trembles in Your holy light, every eye will see.

2009-03-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

If there is any word that can describe how i feel today...

Oh My Gosh.

If there is any word that brought us through:

Balance.

If there is any word that can make us cheer and cry:

Silver.

If there is any word that can make us tear:

Pioneers.

If there is anyone who got us to where we are:

God.

2009-03-29T07:31:00.000-07:00

You are the reason to my existence.

and no one else will do.

not even...

Counting down...

2009-03-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

Counting down..

4 days to SYF

34 days to Mid Years

64 days to O lvl Chinese

101 days to LHC

111 days to Prelims

162 days to the last day of being a Deyian

215 days to O lvl exams

and til then,
my walk in Deyi is considered over.

if time didn't fly.

Crazier

2009-03-24T06:27:00.000-07:00

We all, have been living too sane a life

that we seek to go for a crazier life

and then we grow tired and found that

its too late to be sane already.

if what i said is not true,

why do we even have to learn all this kind of nonsense?

Just learnt Lord of Lords in jam few days ago. I guess that if i really want to carry God's spirit while playing the song, i must submit that God is Lord.

cure me Lord.

2009-03-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

i am truly ashamed of myself today.

2009-03-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Psalms 23.

What an apt psalm now.

I found out the cause of my negativity. yes i should stop trying to live up to man's expectations, but to walk by God and trust in Him. I mean, i have been caught up and stuck in CCA, school, home, life, ministry and all. And now that i spend time with God, i will realign myself with His will.

2009-03-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

1. band camp is over, and yet i don't feel glad.

2. SYF is in 13 days, i wonder what will life be like after that...

3. Invest is in 19 days, freaking nervous and all that i can't describe.

4. i feel like a plain moron and a complete idiot, not knowing anything and doing anything.

5. Everyone's blatant honesty is killing my soul.

6. I can't be loser-ish and escapist. So all i can is just to endure and push through.

7. I can't explain the way i feel now. it sucks.

8. My results suck.

9. Why am i wearing a pair of glasses with the label:negativity?

10. Leadership inspires and Fufils Expecations

After dusk:

gong: bong.

bong: yes gong?

gong: Just keep your mouth shut.

bong: Maybe.. i am just worthless.

gong: well..if you say so.

if you have nothing better to say, keep your mouth shut before i stuff crap into your mouth.

2009-03-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

I find that everytime i feel pressured, i will go to alvin laiman's blog and listen to his songs. Because sometimes i feel that God really heals me then.

Been pondering about stuff lately. Well i always do, but it seems like i have many things on my mind. Really heavy things. And according to a close friend, i will reach a point of breakdown soon over certain issues about friends and i find it very true. But being me, i think that what i would do is that i will still endure til the moment i'll really breakdown. Hm

I just feel very decimated, i just want to be imperceptible for once and do everything wrong. Like, WRONG. but i can't. joy huh.

But on the lighter side, SPONTANEOUS was fun today and we went crazy and all, playing with water bombs in the rain XD and playing crazy things, eating food and still hungry but came back home.

and reached home. wanting to have a peaceful time reading newspaper. ended up with an argument with dad the moment they reached home. always happens. -_-"

but life. oh well. camp tmr. SUCKS.

gone from mon to wed.

i hope i will be gone forever. LOL

2009-03-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

The black palette outside my window is filled with red, orange and yellow.
In this world, peace and tranquility are words that never existed.
I stood by the corner, whisking into the valley of fantasia.
A picturesque grandiosity awaits.

I woke up, in my box
the same empty lights shone.
Intensity increases as voices arose.
Boom.
A mental explosion.

I must be mad, i must be.

I read the newspapers. Recession.
I read the magazines. Recession.
I read the books. Recession.
I read the people. Recession.
I read the currency. Recession.
I read the world. Recession.
I read my parents. Depression

We all are mad. we must be mad

My sister and I. Bickering sensation
My parents and I. Reverberation.
My friends and I. A silent procrastination.
My teachers and I. Indescribable recession
My God and I. My only salvation.
Myself and I. Suppresing emotion

It must be myself.It must be.

The Lord is my shepherd. A peaceful proclaimation.
I shall not be in want. A quiet resolution.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. A green solution.
He leads beside quiet waters. The blue revolution.
He guides me in paths of righteousness. A strength-giving decision.
for His name's sake. A holy demonstration
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death. A harrowing irritation.
I will fear no evil, for you are with me. A grace-filled assurance.
your rod and your staff, they comfort me. faith not in recession.

I am safe. I will be.

God. when my life is complete, i'll place my crown at your feet.
My problems are as little as even one cell of yours.
Let me draw strength from You.
Amen.

2009-03-09T02:23:00.000-07:00

oh God let us be
a generation that sees
who seeks your face
oh God of Jacob.

Let's reject the values this world adopts and stand by the godly principles our forefathers stood by.

for now, carry on with elearning.

2009-03-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

basically, this video is about a disabled man who is bedridden all his life. one day he asked his father if he can run a triathlon even with his disabilities. His dad, who don't even work out usually, actually took the inconvenience to train for triathlons so that he can carry his son throughout a triathlon and complete the race.

This is how much a human father can go for his son. How much further will God the father go for you.

But for me, this is not the only learning point to take from this video. The dad, carrying such a heavy burden, can go so far and overcome all odds posed by everyone.

what about me? what about my own life? i cannot be easily defeated just because of setbacks. I must overcome and emerge stronger and deeper in God.

Even for the A lvl results release, the top students from neighbourhood schools have much more severe family problems than i do and yet they persevere. How much more should i push myself for my As. I shouldn't be staying at the current state to rot but to carry on. To carry His spirit and make my parents proud.

I want to see my mum shed tears for me during the release of the O lvl results. that her son whom was suppposedly not as intelligent can do well. A problematic kid who at the end of the day can stand up and say: i have succeeded.

Therefore i should seriously, seriously study.

2009-03-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

Life is so good when:

1. you get accused by a teacher for something you didn't do

2. you got a F9 for chem and D7 for bio

3.you fear about getting into the JC you wanna go, or maybe if you even can get into one.

but guess the bright side is that my teachers are willing to help me see through this crisis. i am really glad that they saw that i can do more.

i will not let my family down and let those people look down on me.

so all the more i should go to SP camp i guess? what do you think?

2009-03-03T04:15:00.001-08:00

Feel that these days are really bad hair days for me. Been bottling many many things inside and things that i am not supposed to let go. But somehow it comes to a point where i can't take it anymore. So stop the pain and let me go, because even the strong falls short sometimes, and humanity prevails in my blood. I am just hanging there, trying to get up. I know that i am a man with many flaws and you guys can say anything you want. But i need a break too.

don't know, really don't know. why are people telling me things that i don't want to hear?

And dad just shattered my dreams by saying that i have to work to put myself through uni, let alone going overseas. sad life. we even had this argument about JC/poly and he still insists that going to poly is stupidity. -_-"

But was with claire today, and she came to a conclusion that my life is sad. maybe. perhaps God wants to do smt about it. i hope life in heaven will be MUCH better.

it is time not to care about what people say, really.
carry on running the race then, forget those straight in the face comments. Just cry in God's arms.

benvoon.

Happy birthday 3393 :)

( guys i am just ranting, relax man. )

sometimes the best things in life, aren't things.

quoted from chester.

2009-03-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

happy birthday chua wen zhen. i can't find words to describe you, 3393.

2009-02-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

AMKPC folks

water bap folks (some)

extended VOON family :D

and my cert.

been waiting for this moment for like forever. Today my wish finally came true. i was baptised as a true blue trinitarian. This moment is like a ceremony of sanctification for me. a moment of purification. Dead to my old self, born to the new self. I just want to thank God for the Amazing Grace He has shown upon me. Without Him, i wouldn't be where i am today.

before i knew Christ, perhaps my life was really a failure. but i should take joy that i am reborn.
not bothering about what others think about me, but what God thinks about me. good bye , low self esteem. I am on my road home, God.

I shall not carry my burdens on stage. Being your levite servant, i will focus on you

and thank you all guys for supporting us during water bap today. thanks for the messages. and i am fine. thanks for the concerns.

tears.rest in peace.

2009-02-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

Right. water bap is tmr, and many things going through my mind

i remembered the first time i told my parents that i want to be baptised and i got a strong reaction from both of them, something like "wait til you are 21" kind of reaction. But i kept praying and the day will soon come.

I then probed further, remembering those times when i first heard of the name "Jesus". and the first song i heard "Amazing Grace". that simple song that caused my tears to drop in my grandfather's funeral.

Well, i am a wretch, saved by grace. that is definitely true. When i was young, i couldn't relate myself to being a wretch coz wretch is like a girl's term. how wrong was i. Guys can be very bitchy too( out of point ). But i felt obliged to say this because today was really a bad day for me. Things just happened and i felt like a wretch. i hid in the toilet and prayed out to God, questioning all this that happened. Something that simple i did for God, yet all i got was nothing.
that wasn't the worst. I got questioned for being who i am. And after that, i was really upset though i didn't show it.

What deems real to me is fake to others? I don't care anymore. I live for God, not for man. To hell with their bloody comments. I want to focus on God's grace. And God, you got me by amazing grace. I just couldn't help being fascinated.

even as the ceremony tmr makes a milestone in my life, i want to start life anew tmr. after emerging out of the water, let me be purified.

Literally sick. Literally tired. Sick & Tired.
Physically drained, emotionally drained,
DRAINED.

SHUT UP!

GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

i am so sorry. my brain is out of order

Hi hiewster, i promise to study Amaths further trig man, and sorry abt the comments though at that moment i really thought its dumb, so call me dumb if you want, coz maybe i am dumb. which idiot will score 2/20 for a simple test like that? simply not worthy.

2009-02-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

Overwhelming lesson learnt at face value which definitely hurts a lot but worth remembering.

2009-02-15T06:57:00.000-08:00

Your love will never fail(bridge)

bass bassbass snare, bass bassbass snare, bass bassbass snare

ride(constant)/ crash(every 4 beats)

random fills.

2009-02-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

Been running this race,
been running and running.
met many setbacks, overcame many,
but stumbled by some.

God i may put my trust in you,
but can you explain to me why,
do i still feel so much pain?
is this a test of endurance or because you want me to learn something?

Adrenaline gushes through the soul as i move.
but exactly where, do i go to?

broken once again, simply broken.

can you teach me how to surrender the very last thing in my life?
the very last one.
the very one that i valued so much.
whom i will be ever so willing to sacrifice for.
that i treasure it like my treasure
afraid that it will quietly slip away.
but now that its our final year.
and sometimes i do regret neglecting
failing to take care of
and...... i have so much more to do.
it will probably be the last months.
that i can hold on to.

the crossroads will diverge again.
roads will split.
4 years
will end just like that.

don't think too much. time for reality. again. the usual cycle.

2009-02-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

When everyone tends to fail at some point of time.

The loser wallows in despair in failure.

The overcomer starts changing his ways to improve.

SYF. Council. WM. Myself. God. You.

2009-02-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

hi guys for those in N jam i suggest you listen to the original version of "i will search" coz as a musician i guess it really helps to listen to the composer's beat to get the groove. For Israel and New breed, their intro is kinda like firm but not as strong in the beginning ( the toms as the intro) and slowly moving on to the main beat. so do listen to the transition and stuff. Yea even as i type this i am like teaching myself as well ( i am just sharing tips, not teaching! i am not fit to be a trainer yet XP since i am like still a IS jam trainee) so yea lets improve on technicalities( esp my timing, i shall listen to metronome everyday) and our spiritual walk with God alright? think of why the composer chose to write this song in this manner and how the way we play can usher God's presence in. I don't know how many will read my blog but oh well do share your comments on the tagbox. thanks :)

Prayerful Life
Personal Worship
Purity of Heart

Love. Me. Now.
V-day event
13th Feb 2009
6.30pm
Cya there :)

i will search for you and i will find you

God, it is all about you now. the technicalities are secondary, walking with you is more important. Let me not be a musician that focus on technicals, but on spirituals.

got me wondering.

thinking.

2009-02-05T02:17:00.000-08:00

-Blank state of mind-

*gasp* everything i typed is gone!

............

it doesn't matter anyway.

locked in a room of desperation
looking for a source of salvation.

can you picture it?

Studying is tiring and it sucks. But we just psycho ourselves and 'love' it anyway.

and it stinks that there is no PM tomorow too :/

will i ever get my breakthrough in my results?

my last year in Deyi. hmm.. i was like primary 6 yesterday...

i am turning 16 this year... :/

blank mind filling up with randomism. let the brain take a rest before physics.

2009-02-02T04:48:00.000-08:00

Moving through the seasons
I pray for a renewal
a revival,
within my heart
within my soul.
longing to find a way out of this possible tragedy.

I seek Your face,
trying to find the answer.
But how do i do so with the plank in front of my eyes
I want to remove it
But i can't, using all that i have
Helpless, i seek You

I call upon Your Spirit rain
believing in a miracle
calling on Your Name
is all that i desire

and i believe as we do so,
you will come dressed in fire
robed with majesty,
and your very presence can even consume the earth
as we take off all our sandals.

Your Name,
Is a strong a mighty tower
Your Name,
Is a shelter like no other
Your Name,
let the nations sing it louder
coz nothing has the power to save
but Your Name

You'll Come,
Let your glory fall as you respond to us.
Spirit Rain
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll Come

2009-01-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

K this is some of my family pics, requested by some dodo princess luh, coz she thinks that taking family pics is cute, but oh well sadly to say, NO COMMENTS XD.

but ok la, CNY first day even though its kinda a bloody waste of time, but its not bad seeing cousins though, yet i hate the gambling part.

why are you so nice to me?

I have no idea.

~~~

2009-01-24T08:49:00.000-08:00

Been learning this 2 songs today. Actually only touched on "You'll come", but because mark wasn't around, we can't do " The time has come", so sians. but today was really good, i mean i picked up a lot about my flaws and i want to improve on them, also the groove of the time has come and i got to jam like "WOOHOO" today. its like liberation day, and i never expected to improve this much, but of course it will not stop here la, so i will continue to seek God in my tawG and in due time, i will serve in service :D

Anyways, I've been thinking about the song " the heart(ok lor bro. sam :P) of worship" and it does make sense when the lyric " I'm sorry Lord for the thing i made it", the "thing" we made it is actually worship. it means to say that we made worship into something else and try to recreate God's glory, so God is calling us to let us know that we are supposed to reflect His glory, not recreate it. Yeah it was a revelation to me. :)

So yea thats for today, and may God show His Amazing Grace to us, and me.

Duck

1. I owe the Pig an angbao :O

2. Claire ran away with the shirt, i haven't even see, sad :(

3. sarah lee mei mei still sucks anyway XD

4. Turtle King came to service and stayed today :D

5. Salmon went with me to my primary school yesterday :D

6. Steamboat was fun and i drank 2 cups of wine -___-"

7. I slept for 2 hours during reunion dinner -____-'''''''

8. I haven't do any homework for now XOOOOOOOOOOOO

9. I don't want to go to school XOOOOOOOOOOOO

10. happy chinese new year :)

2009-01-22T08:06:00.000-08:00

Oh well, start started posting at like 12 am so...what the crap. anyways just wanna tell you guys to ignore the ranting below coz its purely crap and i am just releasing steam so heck care about it.

Life is good. SYF is coming, O lvls are coming, last year in secondary school is here, Mugging is coming, nationals again, debating team i am not taking part ( maybe shadowteam ba), and 2009 i renewed my contract being ms Pig's slave, so kudos to me XD

and seems like this whole week i didn't see the NY girls, they must have disappeared into thin air :D yay no more sarah lee XD Daniel aren't you glad?

oh well, little moments of Life

Benvoon is talking to Soloman now :)

2009-01-20T02:20:00.000-08:00

Plans after my "O"s.

JC:

Arts- History Literature Geography Math.
- History Geography Economics Math
- Geography Literature Biology Chem (YJ)

Science- Biology Chemistry Math Geography
- Biology Chemistry Math Economics
- Physics Chemistry Math History

Junior Colleges - NYJC, SAJC, ACJC, YJC, CJC, MJC

Poly- TP, NP
-psychology
-life sciences
-Vet. Tech
-Molecular Biotech.

ITE-
haven't thought about it.

zz..... i just feel like hurling a whole lot of vulgarities at you.
everytime i see you, you just have to scold me, demoralise me, or just scold me again. i hate all this lecturing you have been giving me. why is it that i am always in the wrong and i am the selfish one? you never see my good points right? thats no wonder, i rarely even see you at home. you never see the moments i study, the moments i work hard, and only see the times i go out and then i come home you will simply insult me again. what is this? ya i know i am a Christian but please, i am human too, so i cannot be given leeway is it? Why must you always judge me critically? even to all my teachers you also have to criticize, even those teachers whom i respect, you just have to pull them down? Who do you think you are? Why is it that i never see you pull down my sister's pride as much as you do to mine? Don't i deserve any? Everytime i get low grades you just have to use that tone. Even for this kind of simple things, you just have to hurt me again la. So are you trying to tell me that this is how i should treat my son in time to come? Do you know that everytime i see you, i always have to worry whether i do anything wrong or what? this is how i lived my past 15 years and i always asked myself,"why do i always have to be afraid of you?" I rather be caned than allow you to insult me and my commitments and anything about me, because i seriously wonder if you see any good in me or not......

don't comment about the above ranting because i am very pissed.

high time for tawG

2009-01-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

AHHHH

irritating!!!!

zzz...

me: dad, what is cataracts?
dad: its like your lens become white due to when old people degenerate.
me: cannot be what, lens is transparent leh, how to become transparent?
dad: aiya, old people just degenerate la.
me:( take out bio textbook) see, lens is transparent
dad:(take out medical book) you read yourself.
me: cataracts is formed when a white clouding starts to form behind the lens
me: see, the lens did not turn white, its just the clouding.
dad: aiya, i am just giving the layman terms what
me: but its still wrong what.
dad: THATS BECAUSE I AM NOT AS FORTUNATE AS YOU, GOT INTERNET TO HELP YOU. I AM ONLY SEC 4 LEVEL YOU KNOW. IN MY TIME I WHERE GOT AS LUCKY AS YOU? I HAVE TO GO LIBRARY AND FIND BOOKS YOU KNOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR 3 MEALS AND LODGING AND ME LEH? HUH I HAVEN'T EVEN SCOLD YOU FOR YOUR PHONE BILL.....!@#$%%^^&**((()(_

irritating right?

2009-01-14T03:44:00.000-08:00

a good leader is not one who does what is popular, but rather one who do what is right.

2009-01-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

Luke 10

".......do this and you will live."

2009 will not be a year of no life, but instead a year of ABUNDANCE. i refuse to believe that sec 4 is all about studying for the 'O's, but instead of being in the survival mode, we will live Life differently. For me, i am going through a stage where i find myself exhausted by everything and i really feel tired and like what wenzhen says: underqualified. After all the mistakes i have made
(humans made mistakes, and i feel that i make even more than normal), i just feel undeserving and i asked God why is all this happening to me. And somehow God just spoke to me through a song lyric" "A thousand times i failed, still your mercy remains". and it really bring me to the place of surrender.

Right now i must do my tawG, because i don't want to live in drought again. I am tired physically and psychologically. I just think about all the flaws i have and i want to change. God probably put trinitarians in my class for a reason.

And one thing i took away from service today: Loving is more important than serving. Even as i serve, i must do it with love. As i serve with love, God gives even more, because He is jehoeveh Jireh. I have only come to terms with this logic in recent when bro. sam talked to me about it and while others have 4Ps to remember, i have 5.

Providence
Plenteous
Prosperity
Posterity
Punctuality.

today is my mum's birthday. and i misplaced my amaths book. after praying for her and asking for forgiveness, i received a call and its huisian, saying that she took the book. hallelujah. God is a God of mercy and grace.

and then Sarah Lee helped me choose a gift for my mum LOL, but its much fun talking to Daniel, HHAHAHA drummers rock on. its better to talk to a drummer than a bimbo right? hahaha

Ben Duck and Jesus i believe in you.

2009-01-06T03:55:00.000-08:00

it's either that

it has returned,

it has never left,

or i am just lost in the mind.

but the irony is, i don't want to lose it.

it's been so long, yet so short.

2009-01-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

Ok now i am quite pissed. by some trivial stuff. but shall not talk about coz it is really trivial. and being rational, it is indirectly my mistake. so move on people, it's time to move on.

well talking about better stuff, its my first time understudying on stage today. it's really cool to be on stage and like learn the ropes, experiencing God's powerful presence. i think when we serve on stage it makes the difference coz you really feel it. one day, i am going to play not just for service, but for the world. woohoo.

and core section meeting today, we have 3 cells in 1 section, and i am in S1C3 with ChrisChen Ezra Joab Grace Yvette Lexin Joseph Humphrey. Life, oh well, Life.

still feeling pissed, but like what proverbs say: A fool gives vent to his full anger but a wise man keeps himself under control.

i am a wise man then. haha.

sorry peeps who linked me, get me to link you again ya? been busy nowadays. But i just want to say to those councillors who helped in sec 1 orientation, WELL DONE GUYS. i owe all of you a big favour too. but please, i am broke. haha.

Duck.

SARAH LEE knows who is DORAEMON NOW! sad.

MUMMMMMMMM DON"T SHOUTTTTT, my EARS ARE ALREADY SUFFERING FROM THE DRUMMMMMMMS.

2008-12-31T19:38:00.000-08:00

This Zixuan ar, changed my "no title" to benducky .GRRRR

but well, this is 2009, and i am officially sec 4. how irritating.

but i do have some resolutions that i desperately want to do:

1. STOP BEING LATE.
because its very irresponsible of me to do so and according to my excos, i am late 6 times and i don't want to lose my credibility because of that.just hate myself for being a deep sleeper. now, i decided to buy another stronger alarm clock. i can't find any though. SORRY GUYS.

2. BUY A GUITAR
it sucks not to have a guitar when you are learning it.

3. GOOD RESULTS
and it takes discipline. oh my tian its 2009 another, my national exam year of course i want to do well la. i want a single digit R5 but for those in my school would probably laugh at me for aiming that because my R5 now is 24. -____-"

4. HANG OUT WITH CHURCH FRIENDS MORE
i love them, and Sarah Lee Mei En too ( still don't know who is doraemon right? XD)

5. Life of Abundance
i want a life of abundance in 2009, and to do that i need to love the Lord my God with all my HSMS, and to love my neighbour as i love myself. woo, i love Chris Sern Wee Chen, you are sexy.

and i still have to control myself in the coming year, for the sake of the rest. it's time to me to switch off the crazy mode.

too bad salmon, NO DRAMA

Duck

2008-12-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

WHO changed my tagbox???

oh well, DORAEMON is someone all of you don't know, so nice try SARAH LEE :D

anyways tomorow is the last day of 2008 so let's just pray that 2009 God will do GREAT exploits. OH man my "O"s

Ben

2008-12-29T07:54:00.000-08:00

I don't want to let all this mistakes i have made get the better of me.

i want a revival, i want to stand up,
i want to live for Christ, my sole desire.
i want to take up the cross and go through the fire
Knowing that the world I live in is really in dire.

Jesus Christ is all i need
He is the person i will only seek
without this saviour i will go weak
but this Messiah has done more than just deeds.

If there is one thing i want to describe about today: SUCK

but thanks DORAEMON :)

Ben

TAWG

2008-12-26T06:12:00.000-08:00

just now while i was doing my time alone with God, God just brought me out of the bible passage and showed me a vision of hell. Well i don't know if it really is hell or not, but it is this pitch black place and i see a different kind of fire that i have never seen before.

i see 4 creatures surrounding me from 4 different directions, blowing trumpets at me, and they grew from their small size into gigantic monsters, and i hear God's voice saying, these are the angels of satan. then i walked in front and i saw Satan, playing this harp that sounds really alluring, and standing on a platform, he continued playing as multitudes of people jump around in madness in flames of fire below the platform. they all seemed to be enjoying themselves amidst being in like huge flames.

However, i also see many big hands, coming down from above to pick people up from the flames. the big hands kinda like pinched the person and then lifted it up from the flames. and it's like many big hands.

i moved on to another place.

i see scantily clad women, seducing me to their side, and it is not just a few, but thousands of them of the same kind, barely wearing anything. and all of them seemed to be lusting for more of what they work for.and the voice spoke again," These women may seem attractive, but when the day comes, i will banish all of them into the pits of burning fire for eternity because of what they have done to themselves." I looked again and this time, they have become ugly monsters, ready to devour people. I walked back to the " disco pub". This time, i was lifted above the flames and i saw this place where people walked on clouds and the scenery is beautiful. Every single one of them walked up this flight of stairs upwards and above i see the pearly gates. i walked up the stairs as well.

" this flight of stairs represents your life. and if you are not careful, you can drop into the flames again."God explained to me this fact. and i see people with fire on their heads, and they seemed to be muttering something. with that, more people are lifted from the flames and joined the rest in this walk upwards.

we reached the gates. i entered. it is really beyond words. i cannot describe how magnificent it is but i see angels flying around with trumpets, blasting a different tune as to what i have heard just now. It sounded even majestic and joyful.

i entered the courtyards and into the throne room. The interiors are all made of gold. in the middle of the place i see a fire. It is different from the flames i see just now, which has this unusual dark aura. But this fire, looks like a ball a fire. A big ball of fire. and like the song " consuming fire", it literally looks as if it can consume anyone. then i see a man walking out of the fire. He had golden hair, and he wore a white tunic, with brown sandals and his feet are like bronze, his eyes like fire and i just knew, He was Jesus, the Son of God.

He ran towards me and hugged me. i felt this warmth in me like i always do in altar call.

He told me to share this vision. because it is real.

I then snapped out of the vision, and carefully looked at the bible again. I was at Revelations.

Duck.

i have been weirdly seeing this kind of visions lately.

2008-12-25T06:14:00.000-08:00

Hmm well merry christmas everyone. today is not too bad because i got a LOVE card from sarah lee and just found out that our dear HONG KAI is in the same section (and hopefully in the same buzz as well). so ya its kinda cool.

but today some things have happened and it got me to wonder whether i will end up the same way like my friend. Life is just like that, complicated and stuffs, but i guess for humans thats the way to go? i really have no idea

and i just find myself becoming into the more serious side of me slowly. even as i am flipping through my orientation paper, it just occured to me that school is reopening, and i am going back to school as a sec 4, and its my last year

irony.

Duck

2008-12-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

fairies 2008 in Nouveau surge for the star

with Amos!

oh man, i am so gonna chiong writing cards and letters for everyone. just for me to remember who to write to( please add on tagbox if i left out your name, the whole world knows i have stm :P

Amos Lee

harold koh

Keith yong

ezra chan

Tan jie Kai

Mad ( mum )

Sarah Lee mei en

claire yeo

rachel teh

Chris sern

Pig ( which is already done)

Salmon Soh Yi heng

Auntie Dar

Joseph Wong

the other Joseph in NYP biotech Z2 :D

Dee ( oh ya happy birthday :D )

Chen He liang

Brandon Sham

PAPA Sam

Desmond Auntie Hua

sis. Carol

Alvin Laiman ( see i didn't forget you :P )

Tze Yeng

yap Jasmine

Mervyn ( my duper AGL )

Hui Sian

Zi Xuan ( my brother )

Eunice Er ( my brother )

Nicole ( see i didn't forget you either :D)

Pris Chin ( aiya this one nvm la XD just kidding )

Eline tan li tong my dear daughter

hmm who else?

2008-12-22T07:47:00.000-08:00

ok, with my heart for God still burning, i am gonna type my 224th post! hahas.

well today went to buy school books and uniform with my mum and sis and bumped into chen he liang. ok la i bump into him like all the time, so i rushed to the com lab and kinda like helped with the lanyard things even though a dumb dumb like me cannot really do much. haha. felt quite helpless la, but anyways i found something to do and that is to collect lanyards and at the midst of it i was listening to alvin laiman and co. cracking jokes like professing your love using song of songs, it was hilarious man. But somehow Dar got mad and so i got back to serious business like collecting more lanyards and getting instructions from mdm ezreen.

God is all calling us to do something bigger. And really la, i don't care anymore, just whack 2009 for God. Amen.

Ahhs crap, haven't bought christmas stuff, haven't do homework, and the pig psed me :P

2008-12-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

lLord i give you my heart
i give you my soul
i live for you alone
every breath that i take
every moment i'm awake
Lord have your way in me

this is the air i breathe (x2)
your holy presence,
living in me

and i am desperate for you
and i am so lost without you

higher,
Lord you will lift me higher,
out of my weakness
Lord take me as i am,
higher,
i will be lifted
higher,
my world commited
in my generation,
i will proclaim

Deeper in you
to another level
i will find my breakthrough
deeper in you
i need you holy spirit
consume my heart and make me yours again
in you i am forever changed

i think God has really impacted me to go beyond the mile to serve Him, may it be in school or whatnots or in church. our God is a consuming fire. it is true. I will jolly well just give my youth to him, the best of it and see Him use it for greater purposes that i cannot see. Amen

oh well life is cool again i guess?

Mad is my mum , MAd is my mum , everyone repeat after me.

2008-12-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

Don't touch me, don't even talk to me.

pls leave a message after the tone.

hating myself right now.

2008-12-18T06:49:00.000-08:00

Yearning for more
more of you Lord in my life
this is my cry oh Lord

my heart's desire
holy spirit come fill my life
desperate for your touch

all of my days, you hold in your hands
all of my ways, i will proclaim

higher, Lord you will lift me
higher, out of my weakness
Lord take me as i am

higher, i will be lifted
higher, my world commited
in my generation, i will proclaim

in the dark, you will light my ground, light my ground
through the storm, you will lift me up, lift me up

higher, higher, higher in you

throughout this camp, i have been utterly broken in the altar, consecrated, and God moved me in very powerful ways. He forced me to think through my life. what have i been living for in this life. through this 15 years.

Right after breakcamp, bro. sam just spoke to me about what God has spoken to me in the camp, and i can't give a definite and strong reply. He is right, i can't solely rely on enthusiasm. and the thing that can keep me going is PASSION.

through it all, my focus should be on God, and not on the problems, not on the people, and not on my fears and inadequecies. Been thinking it through. this year, i have been avoiding many things. hiding facts, living a life that does not please God. the reason why sometimes i act childishly is because i want to run away from the fact that i have to grow up. because i know that growing up is somehow painful, with all the backstabbing, lying , and i want to remain as innocent as i can. I know i can't carry on anymore, i am almost out of breath.

and somehow, God made use of bro. sam to relate to me this reality. that i can sing a million times of "this is how we overcome" but if we do not do what God call us to do, its useless. it's true. In the end, i still have to face myself. to find out who i am, do some "soul searching", and overcome all the problems i face. frankly speaking, i feel inadequate. especially when you know that some things you just don't do as well, or cannot be compared to others.

In this camp, God just showed me how He will use me. and it is amazing, even for myself, how God can use broken vessels to do great things. even though i suck in many things, God can use me to minister to people's lives.

Despite being suaned, and scolded, and ridiculed, and all this nonsense, by all kinds of people. even people you hold close. the pain escalated. to this level where you just want to run, to escape, and this is what i have been doing this holiday. thats why in church, i somehow ran away from the fact of my commitment in school and in council. just ran away and cried to my knees in camp. God just brought me to my senses in the altar. the moment i reached the altar, tears never seemed to end. its like a river, and i just cried out to God, asking Him why is my life like that? why did God have to push me that far, to the extent i couldn't really breathe. and He then showed me a vision. where He just got me to sit on this gigantic eagle and soar higher and higher.
and the next moment, i was slain and i lay on the floor, hearing God's voice ever so clearly.

after camp, harold came and spoke to me and i was really struck by the things he said, and advice he gave. i really took it like its my life. thanks so much harold.

and God, if i am going to surrender all this fears and inadequecies, Lord i want to move into you a deeper level. Lord i want to know you again and Lord, won't you take me higher? i want to live for you. it is really pointless driving on events relying on human strength solely. i want to do this for you, for your purpose. I am desperate for your touch, even now.

Ben. this is who i really am.

Carry the passion- Mark yong

2008-12-13T07:40:00.000-08:00

Lord lift me higher.

prepare me for camp

prepare to electrify me

once again

higher, i will be lifted
higher i will be commited.

i love my sister.
i really do
i love my family

but i got to leave,
if i want to be stronger
if i want something new
if i want something
i need to sacrifice.

Lord, your plans to prosper me and not to harm me,
can i trust in you?

Ben is utterly broken. in the heart. really.
and salmon you don't have to predict. its true.

2008-12-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

well recently, i was offered a chance to actually go to the states to stay for a month or two, and my dad just sent an email to my aunt living there about this. frankly speaking i am pretty much excited about this oppourtunity because i do want to have a taste of American life and just want to know how it feels and stuff. of course there are catches. first i will probably miss Alumni camp, miss IGNYTE camp 09, and it won't be easy to live independently, somehow.It's like a week after my O levels and i will come back just before my O level results. So we'll see.

Meanwhile it is hardcore time for my 'O's. better get into top 10 JCs to boost my testimonial for Uni application. i wanna go to ivy league. and the first thing to do is to remove those Cs and replace them with As.

i want the 8 As. and a place in college in USA.

meanwhile, to my O levels. to NYJC.

2008-12-04T01:22:00.001-08:00

feeling crapped today. Late for 2 minutes( according to my phone) for EXCO meeting and ran 3 rounds. Missed a movie treat with both dennis and darylene(with gang) and went to see a doctor, who told me that my face needs 6 7 months to recover, and i have to go on medication. On the way home just felt like i don't know what i am doing( or according to salmon, the emo mood) and my phone just can't send smses which i don't know why. Shao Long's bbq i can't go coz 14th is camp. there is full day band tomorow and saturday going to malaysia( which i don't really look forward to because i have to wake up at 3.45am and its with my cousins) and wednesday's council meeting i am not going because of band. When i should be in Alumni Camp now but was cancelled. When in this stupid weather i wished i was doing something better but yet can only blog and force myself to start mugging while my seniors' Os are over. When all of a sudden i feel like i am a jerk and maybe i am a jerk or maybe i am just oversensitive but you will never know. I got a feeling that perhaps everyone thinks so too. Or maybe it's because of some things i say or some things i do.i don't know, i don't like this. And then again i realised recently that i don't really talk to people. i mean, not good at talking to people. well perhaps deep inside i am an introvert. thats a new revelation

feeling crapped today. oh please relieve me from this crap.

grr MAD is having her exams and i don't wanna bug her

find God, God probably knows what is going on

I want to be a good boy again, no more running, no more rebel.

floating duck, don't know where will he float to.

i am counting on God, are you?

2008-12-01T00:04:00.000-08:00

OBS PART 2

ok here is part 2 of the OBS story. hahas. the 5 days in OBS has really like moulded me into someone stronger and mightier than i ever know. Oh ya. we did belaying, rock climbing, kayaking, trekking, tent pitching, all the crap which is really fun la. but one of the moments that i will keep for life is the piece of paper which we all write for each other. i vow to keep that piece of paper for life man, bleh maybe softcopy on this blog

Felicia: At the land expedition, we were behind time and a little lost. At that time you were the navigator and yet you didn't give up to find the first checkpoint.What job you're given, you would still try your very best to complete the task.

Daniel: Even though you lead us the wrong route during the expedition, I am still very glad that you didn't give up. You are one determination boy. Keep going!

Duan Kai ( motivation) : Hey thanks for keeping up with me and helping me out when i needed it. Thanks for the encouragement.

Evan: Thanks for the beautiful feet that you have during the night, providing me with a wonderful scent, giving me much sleep!

Sufyan: You are an enthusiastic person who likes to be with others. You are also a great friend!

Joevin: Hey, you are a great leader, but try not to act clever ok! haha....

Rizwana: hii Ben 10 ( goodbye zero, hello hero) Yo ben our macho man, we luv u!!! you are super strong and energetic. I don't think you got any -ve point to say leh....

Teddy: YOYO Ben 10 1000 +(plus) Keep up the good work never give up!

Triffany: You're great ben! apart from your blur-ness, you're a perect camp mate :D

Atiqah: Wah! You're a great and funny leader. I see you got the potential! keep on motivating!

Wei Kwang: Yo! you change alot! must listen carefully to what ppl say and when giving out instructions you must think of other ppl 1st. Great leader!

Yuen Hui: (good) Good leading skills, very helpful, fun-going guy (bad) Nah, don't really have :D

Karen: You this son Yah enjoy more ok!!! Always so helpful and here to help us lah...But sometime if you really cannot take it or do it, don't force yourself ok!!! don;t want you to be too stress lah ok!!! keep it up and thank you

Adeline: Be yourself Ben! & plan your time well. Thanks for all the encouragement :) see you around duck! don't be so joker !

well some comments are good, some comments are areas of improvement. Nevertheless these 15 people made a difference in my life through a span of 5 days. Yeah me duan kai wei kwang and teddy got this nickname ( Ben 10 1000 + ) which is very funny. it can be rearranged and it will be another thing altogether. and yep we got our Junko outing on the 12th December at sentosa! woohoo i can't wait to meet them again :D

Well, in the course there are times where i wasn't as motivated, especially during the land expedition, where wei kwang got muscle cramp and i ended up carrying the 2 tent bags along with my own haversack. In the beginning i gave the tent bag back to him, but yet somehow he forced me to carry and since i really said: bring it on, i might as well push myself. During the trek, mummy MAD's words keep resounding in my head : "you are not the loser, you are the mighty warrior..." it kept going and it gave me the strength to carry 20 kg and trek more than 20km through extreme terrains. It is really with God's strength that i pulled through, not forgetting that the day before we just kayaked 20km around pulau ubin. Yeah i became the second superman in OBS, other than dumb wei kwang( 10 ).

oh well, lots of memories, lots of things to keep. the hardcore values i learnt in OBS that will shape me for life, i will not forget.

Maybe i should try the 21 day OBS when i am older. yeah man

MEtAL duck

2008-11-29T17:24:00.000-08:00

Outward Bound Singapore.

over 18,000 people been through the OBS experience.

some thought its boring,

some say its tough

some enjoyed it.

but all of us emerged, changed, and became stronger.

yeah man, i survived OBS! woohoo. i think the experience is very enriching even though its horrifying. but the reason why the camp is such a success for me is due to my group JUNKO watch, where everyone is so garang and enthu and its really fun. maybe its because in the group all of us are school leaders and we are really very gelled up. Got to know some people are they re really cool

Trifanny (jurong)

Joevin(jurong)

Teddy (jurong)

Rizwana(Jurong)

Daniel(jurong)

Atiqah(Woodlands Ring)

Evans(Woodlands Ring)

Sufyan( Woodlands Ring)

Yuen Hui( woodlands Ring)

and of course our own school people

Wei Kwang

Duan Kai

Karen

Adeline

Felicia

and me

and i owe a lot to them for this OBS experience, and not to forget our instructor, serene YAR,

and we call her YAR YAR, and even got this cheer for her:

Yipee YAR YAR Yipee Yipee YAR (x2)

......

YAR, so its really fun.

we went to sea and land expeditions and slept in flooded tents and lived with ants, mosquitoes, sandfleas, did our businesses in the sea, avoided wild boars and dogs, went through thick and thni together for 5 days. never forget man

hhaha. part 2 later :P

Ben ( oh y trif, maybe we all meet again then you return me lor :D )

2008-11-19T06:12:00.000-08:00

today went to the face place again. My other cheek was swollen badly. but overall my forehead and other cheek was fine. haha. So the torture started and the prick started pricking and its really painful for me ( and the crap auntie still say must endure must endure and told my mum that i can't take pain). HATE it man. but well it worked somehow. my face is slowly improving. hope it gets well next year. Oh man should have listened to mum and take care of my face. Now its bad because i thought that its pretty gay to do so. OH WELL

been going to school daily these past 3 weeks. haha guess sec 3 life ba. 3 must be the number XP
and yesterday was the SC orientation, the first initiative i come up with for the council in 2008. Well, its for the future batches, not for us. ok ok ok shall not say anything more. haha

then just now just randomly called alvin down and ate dinner with alvin and alfred. MY GOSH even alfred say my face is bad. Bro Sam MAD Alfred Yi An so many people. DIE man DIE.

then we talked crap. as the jokers' club always do.

and missed band due to feeling sick in the morning. SO FYI, ITS NOT PON. and i didn't see doctor. though i felt better in the afternoon.

and meeting the jokers tomorow to watch movie.haha at my place, so i can slack and not go anywhere. i want a break before OBS. aha.

and i was thinking about people whom i called differently.

Wen Zhen- Pig, Auntie, 小姐
Solomon- Salmon, Fish, fishball, fish boy, solo
Darylene- Auntie, Dar
Alvin Laiman- Tortoise, Laiman, Holy man, panda?
Christopher Sern- Sexy boy, Cute boy, Chris, Sern
Nicole- Nicola!
Karen- MOTHER
Brandon- Genius, Gay(although its mean and i don't mean it, sorry)
Winarti- Winana, nana, Win
Christopher Chen- BOYBOY, chen
Madeline Sim Yue Ling(sis, not)- MUMMY,mad, mother mad, brother mad
Jordon- Jordy, brother

hmm no one else leh

Ben

2008-11-16T01:53:00.001-08:00

make life easier, simple skin, simple life. GREAT LIFE :D

2008-11-13T02:06:00.000-08:00

SURGE

when you search for me with all your heart....i will be found

He did not come to be served, but to serve...

they shall soar on wings like eagles

do you feel the urge to search?

there is more to life than just people and events. what do you live for?

2008-11-12T07:24:00.000-08:00

*&$#%^^^ is very !##$%^%^

LOL, eh i am worth more than symbols lor :P

haha today was quite fun i guess, PERCUSSION ROCKS my DRUMS. haha.

and christopher sern wee chen is sexy. new fact unveiled XD

life has been good. so to speak

got a new phone that has absolutely nothing

i don;t know, this is life.

MAD IS STILL A GUY.

2008-11-10T04:21:00.000-08:00

why are people saying i am stressed out when actually i am like feeling so relaxed........

irony.

haha.